why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
