My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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