dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have tasted many bathrooms
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i out mim tonsoeep
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