Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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