Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
