Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so let's talk penis.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
