meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
did i just pee glitter
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
