Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
