I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
