apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
