Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
