In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
