Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
