No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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