We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
