And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize