Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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