just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
