Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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