you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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