pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
