..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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