i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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