If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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