I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
