i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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