i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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