Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
