4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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