i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
