Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this boner is exhausting
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
