you traded sex for a burrito?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
