Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
