You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
