U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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