You're so nebulous sometimes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
