Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.