It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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