Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
