Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
