My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
