I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ugly people sure do ruin things
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
