Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
