yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
