I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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