So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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