Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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