you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
