Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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