I wish I could punch you in the face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want her autograph on my taint
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
