I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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