I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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