Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
