I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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