Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
