My Higher Power is John Stamos
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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