OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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