Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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