how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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