It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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