We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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